Journey Toward Totalization: A Comparison of Saul of Tarsus, Augustine and Mohammed

In the three religious figures of Saul of Tarsus, Augustine and Mohammed we have similarities not only in their individual conversions to their respective faiths but also in their attempted conversion of a worldview that takes on the challenge of combining one or more elements of the cultures that have come before and led the way to answer the question of how to live a meaningful life.  For Saul of Tarsus and Augustine the end result is nearly the same in that they both looked to create a world in which Christianity is the primary, if not only, way of life.  Mohammed, on the other hand, looked to create a world in which a more complete and corrected version of Christianity, the worship of Allah known as Islam, would become the dominate worldview.

            “Moses wrote of Him: this He says, who is Truth.”  (Augustine 2006)  All three figures whole heartedly believed in this statement, in all respects.  They all came from a religious standpoint, once their personal conversions had taken place, that the text of the Hebrew scriptures revealed the belief that God is Truth, that there is no other truth but the one and only God.  In this way, all three of the men are in agreement on the basis for the worldview they believed to not only be right but also the truth that should be spread in order to create one worldview, one total worldview that could be and should be espoused by all people.

            Saul of Tarsus, according to Professor Ambrosio, lived a life that reflected the bidirectional nature of one identity, the Greek identity, influencing and transforming  a second identity, that of Christianity.  In this, the heroic ideal changes the Christian ideal and vice versa.  Saul of Tarsus had been well educated in Greek language and culture before his conversion to Christianity took place.  After Saul’s conversion, he spent the rest of his life preaching as an apostle of Christ to Gentiles, instead of Jews.  Once Rome got wind of this preaching, he was brought up on charges of creating unrest in the Roman dominion.  In a direct reflection of citizenship in the Greek tradition, Saul is aware of his rights to be heard by the secular authority and to face a trial as such.  Saul, by then known as Paul, died for his beliefs.  He lived out his life as a Greek hero would.  While the heroic standard in the Greek tradition would not have been focused on spreading Christianity, it would focus on the living out of one’s fate, one’s destiny to the end, to the death, if necessary.  Paul did exactly this.  Just as Socrates before him, he did not bow down to the powers that be in civil judgment for fear of losing his life.  He, instead, battled back with the knowledge that he was doing what must be done in order to live a life of personal integrity.

            Augustine lived at a time of relative peace in Christianity.  He would have no need for martyrdom as Saul did.  Augustine’s reflection of the Greek ideal came with his personal struggle, just as the Greeks believed that life was a struggle.  During the course of his life, Augustine took on many different roles, eventually becoming a leader and teacher in a culture that was shifting from Roman imperialism to Christianity as the dominant force.  According to Professor Ambrosio, the theme of searching for God and self is prevalent in Augustine’s most renowned work “Confessions”.  According to Augustine, it is human pride that thwarts the search for God and self.  It is in this thwarting that the struggle of life takes place.  One must work to overcome their pride in order to know God and by extension, know themselves.  In the Greek tradition, knowing oneself and living that knowing out was of utmost importance.  Just as Saul of Tarsus had been before him, he was well educated in Greek and Roman tradition and this influence is seen in his writings as well as how he lived his life after his personal conversion.  He believed as Socrates believed, that personal responsibility was a key to a meaningful life.  In his own words, which very nearly echo the voice of Socrates in Apology, “I would much rather say ‘I don’t know,’ when I don’t, than hold one up to ridicule who had asked a profound question and win applause for a worthless answer.” (Augustine 2006)

            Mohammed, had he been living at the time of the Greeks, would have been a man living as the heroic ideal, almost to the point of perfection aside from the obvious fundamental belief in the worldview of the saint.  As the model for all believers in Islam, the “living Quran”, according to Professor Ambrosio’s lecture, he is living the parallel to that of Socrates, who lived out the question of the meaning of life.  He also lived as a parallel to the heroic concept of agon, the idea that life is a struggle.  For Mohammed, this struggle is known as jihad.  As the Prophet for his followers, he struggles in order to bring back truth and revelation to his people.  His teachings have a strong root in the idea of justice, just as the Greek tradition did.  He takes a journey in his jihad, committing to a way of life that is known as Islam, the submission of the people and self to Allah.  This living out of his truth reflects directly the spirit of the Greek heroic ideal. 

            All three of these men, living out their beliefs as a whole and entire way of being as well as their conversion of self and others, provide examples, if not perfect models (as in Mohammed’s case) for the people who would eventually become their followers.  While none of them claimed to be a god or anything more than man living the way of truth as they saw it, the people they influenced in the way of this truth spread out far and wide and in many ways, it was successful though none of them would reach the dream state of totalitarian belief, one world view during their lifetimes or even in the generations that have come after. While what the future holds remains to be seen, the influence of these men on the west is undeniable and in all three of their lives some of their example either parallels or outright lives the heroic ideal of the Greek tradition.

 

REFERENCES

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 12.

 Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).             Lecture 13.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).              Lecture 14.

Augustine (2006).  Confessions.  Classics of Western Philosophy, 7th ed, 374.  377.

 

Incommensurable: A New View of Hero and Saint

As has been seen through the course of history, trying to rectify the image of the hero with the image of the saint has been not only difficult but evidently impossible for most, with only a brilliant few coming forth with nearly satisfactory but still incomplete attempts at doing so.  In no small way, the way of the saint and the way of the hero seems to have an ever widening gap in the time of what Thomas Kuhn would classify as the scientific revolution.  This gap can visibly be seen in the trenches of World War I where Wilfrid Owen wrote his poem, Dulce et Decorum Est, asserting to the hero’s journey within the context of that which is pointless even when fighting for something greater than oneself.    

            Leading up to the first half of the twentieth century, in which both World War I and II took place, there was an undeniable shift in the worldview of many.  The influential writings and inquiry of Marx, Darwin and Freud typify the beginnings of this new worldview, one in which force is recognized as being of primary importance. 

For Karl Marx, the new worldview was determined by economics.  The force of economics is what drives the individual toward a search for meaning through the derivation of their human capacity for labor and the ability to transform nature by way of said labor in productive and meaningful ways.  Marx also believed that the industrial revolution brought with it alienation for humanity in terms of the fact that people were no longer as directly connected to the labor in which they found meaning.  People had quite literally been replaced by machinery in their ability to transform nature and therefore, they had lost their ability to find meaning as they once had.  Through the production of commodities, in Marx’s view, a person finds meaning and value.  Therefore, if a person no longer produces as they once had, as an individual; it is a linear line of thinking to believe that the human being will lose their grasp of what gives their life meaning.  This view of the loss of meaning being tied so directly to the loss of human production within the force of economics gives way to a reinterpretation, according to Professor Ambrosio, to the struggle of the hero.  That is, the struggle of the individual in the face of the need for commodities and the loss of personal production of such commodities. 

Charles Darwin, though not concerned with economics but rather with the biological character of the human being and the world the human being inhabits, offered to the worldview of creationism, which is often associated with the idea of the saint, evolution in the form of natural selection.  Intelligent design and evolution appear to be two sides of an ongoing debate, dating back to Darwin and his theory of natural selection.  For many, this debate is hard pressed to find a middle ground and therefore, it widens the gap between hero and saint that much further.  Believers in intelligent design often do not see the human being as a byproduct of functional traits that have prolonged the ability to survive but, rather, as a person created precisely for meaning and in many cases, the glorification of God.  In the context of the hero, the idea of evolution is impersonal and ruled by necessity. The drive of adaptation is the force by which humanity has evolved.

Sigmund Freud also viewed the world in the light of necessity and struggle as is common in the heroic ideal.  In his case, however, the necessity was anything but impersonal.  For the individual, according to Freud, it is necessary for the human being to struggle against the drives of the id, which are repressed by the superego.  According to Professor Ambrosio, it is precisely this that lends itself to the viewpoint of the tragic hero by way of finding meaning in the struggle and therefore giving meaning to an individual’s life.

While the views of these extraordinary minds leaves little in the way of the saintly ideal, there came a writer by the name of Fyodor Dostoevsky, who returns us to the worldview of the saint.  Coming from the Russian Orthodox perspective of Christianity, Dostoevsky returns us to the roots of faith.  Dostoevsky appears to have taken on the problem of evil in a direct affront in the Brothers Karamazov.  He not only introduces us to a character, Father Zossima, who is an idealized version of the saint but also to a young man by the name of Ivan who rejects the meaning of God and is therefore a direct threat to the Russian Orthodox way of life, which in Dostoevsky’s view appears to be nothing short of the way of the saint.  Within the context of these stories, both included in the Brothers Karamazov, one can find the identity of Dostoevsky and his perspective that all are responsible for all, to all.  The force of the problem of evil, asks the individual to fight back by way of accepting their freedom and face up to their responsibilities as such.  This perspective takes on deeper meaning when contrasted to Friedrich Nietzsche, who held the view that no one is responsible to anyone for anything.

Nietzsche’s outlook on life, revealed in his story, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, is heroic in nature.  He believed in the will to self mastery and that everyone obeys someone whether it is self or an outside source.  Yet, he did not find that anyone was responsible for this for any definitive reason, as one who abides by the way of the saint would.  He did, however, reason that necessity will bring about what needs to take place in order to ensure survival and that this will come internally from the individual and their participation in reality as it truly is.           

As previously mentioned, there are forces at work in humanity. These forces, such as the force of the economy, will push until another force pushes back, determining the path in which humanity takes over the long haul, if there will be a long haul at all.  In light of the progress of science and the culmination of the industrial revolution ensuing into the arms race in the first half of the twentieth century, the world saw the mass destruction of both world wars.  It could appear that the ever expanding view of the heroic ideal, even in modern terms is quietly and quickly drowning out the ideal of the saint. While this may be simply the nature of things and the necessity that the heroic ideal finds essential, it may be something to contemplate that the world appears to grow colder as the gap widens between the hero and the saint at a time when the destruction of those that the saint finds inherently valuable is undeniably possible.  According to Thomas Kuhn, incommensurability is the inability to translate two rival theories into each other’s terms.  Though he meant this to relate to scientific theories, it can easily be seen here that in the broad spectrum of human knowledge and the search for meaning, the ideals of hero and saint are very much incommensurable in more ways than originally believed to be understood.  

REFERENCES

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 19.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 20.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 21.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 22. 

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 23. 

Changes Within Heroic Citizenship: From the Greeks to the Romans

One must have courage, they must overcome, they must achieve and they must be willing to do these things or be these things with an end result that will benefit others.  To do so is to fulfill one’s own fate; to know that all is done that can be done.  These things, according to Professor Ambrosio, are the characteristics of a hero in the Greek cultural tradition.

            Even Zeus was limited by necessity, that is, he was limited by ananke.  In the Greek mythopoetic tradition, ananke is only one of the central concepts: ananke, moira and arête.  Ananke creates moira and by accepting moira people have arête.  Necessity creates one’s fate and by accepting that fate people can reach heroic excellence.  An example of moira was, for Zeus, accepting that his son must die, that he can not intervene because by necessity he needed to act as a god first, a father second.  Though this acceptance was painful, he did reach heroic excellence, or arête, by doing so.  He had to live out the destiny before him in such a way that only he could do.

            In the historical development of the heroic ideal, the meaning of human existence surrounds the idea that fate is the primary goal, the thing that will provide the human with a chance at self fulfillment and an opportunity to fulfill their personal goal.  While reaching one’s goal does not depend on a god or on the hereafter in any way, it is religious based on the fact that it is bound by a type of vow or commitment, as religion is.  While working toward staying true to this vow, this fulfillment of one’s fate, there is a struggle.  This struggle is the main point of it all.  In order to be the heroic ideal, the struggle must be pursued to the end with the hero doing everything that he can in order to reach the goal, everything that is possible, and everything that he is capable of doing.

            During the time when the Greek city-state was emerging, there was a change of focus.  Individualism was no longer the primary goal as it had been in the time of tribal organization, when there was a class structure within Greek society.  At this time, the Oresteia was introduced and there began tragic drama.  In the Oresteia, there was the playing out of the first trial by jury.  These tragic dramas were a new way of honoring the gods, as well as entertaining the people.  For these dramas, just like the Olympic games, there was a competition.  And in this competition the chance did exist to fulfill arête.  That is, through competition with others, one had to compete with their own self in order to produce the best work possible.

            According to Aristotle, the best of the tragic hero would be art that should imitate life, in that people should be able to identify with the hero character in a play.  People, as well as the gods, should be excited by either fear or pity or both.  Aristotle did not feel that a true tragic hero was neither all good nor all bad; he felt that the average citizen had to be able to see themselves in such a person in order to be able to identify with them. 

            Looking at Plato’s work, he delves more deeply into root of what makes a heroic citizen tick.  He asks and attempts to answer the question of whether or not citizenship itself gives meaning to one’s life, does it provide hope?  In the Apology, Plato recognized and portrayed Socrates on trial.  Socrates is well known, according to Professor Ambrosio’s lectures, as the father of questioning.  In the Apology, we get to see Socrates and the ideal of the citizen hero play out from its beginning to its end.  Socrates was the living answer to his own questioning.  “I shall give you proofs of this, not words but what you esteem, deeds.”  (Plato, 2006) and in the Apology we get to see what a living answer is, how he traveled about asking this question and having dialog with others in order to find out his place in the world and what it all means.  Socrates famously died for this, he died for living out the question of what his arête would be, and as he accepted this fate, he became the ideal.

            By the time the Roman empire took over, the questions that Socrates, Plato as well as Aristotle had presented had been mulled over and discussed within text and in the classroom of life for many years.  The differences between Plato and his pupil, Aristotle, were profound.  Plato believed in Socratic existence as the primary way to reach the heroic ideal, theory was secondary.  Aristotle believed theory should come first and then one could live out the heroic ideal.  For both, however, contemplation was the highest level of human fulfillment.

Then came Marcus Aurelis.  Next to Socrates, according to Professor Ambrosio, he most likely has the strongest claim to living out the heroic ideal.  However, by the time of Roman stoicism, which was the time when Marcus Aurelis lived, the rules of the game had begun to change quite a bit.  People no longer had their focus on nature or how they would draw their fate from it; they rather had their focus on the rule of human law.  Marcus Aurelis tried to keep the idea of heroic ideal alive.  Through his beautiful meditations, he attempted to make it live on but instead it appeared to be the last hoorah of the living out of fate that can only come from a citizenship that existed in a world that was falling by the wayside.       

 

REFERENCES

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 3.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series), Lecture 4.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series), Lecture 5.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series), Lecture 6.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series),                          Lecture 7.

Plato. (2006). Apology.  Classics of Western Philosophy, 7th ed, 36. 

Attempted Convergence: From St. Francis to Kierkegaard

Over the course of history, marriage had long been thought of as a societal contract, arrangements based on that which benefited families and society as a whole rather than the fulfillment of individuals who desired to be together based primarily on attraction.  Arranged marriage, until the emergence of romanticism, was the norm and it was not only condoned but expected by church, state and within individual families.  St. Francis of Assisi brought this idea to the forefront, changing what had been seen as a possible heresy, erotic love, into something that could be used for the overall greater good.  As a close follower of the Franciscan way of life though only a layman, Dante promoted this idea and attempted to live it out to the best of his ability through his writing by expanding on the inclusion of the feminine.  

            Having been exposed to courtly love at an early age, St. Francis had the seed that eventually blossomed into the idea that romantic love could be a pathway to praising God.  He believed that instead of taking love from God, which would be heresy, such love could compliment and give opportunity to individuals to worship through service.  According to Professor Ambrosio, bringing this idea to light was St. Francis’s greatest achievement and legacy.  The fruition of this idea marked a significant change in philosophical thinking.  The scholar Joseph Campbell classified this change as a movement that marks the emergence of the modern conception of individuality in the west.

            Dante expanded on the idea set forth from St. Francis, through his poetry, most notably in the Comedia.  The Comedia was Dante’s personal testimony about his conversion from sin to love.  For Dante, the embodiment of this love was given to him by the grace of God in the woman Beatrice.  By the time he wrote the Comedia, Beatrice had long since passed away but in the epic poem, she is the last person he sees before seeing God.  In this, it is as if he is stating that his love for her is the closest pathway to God, the one who draws him to the close of his journey.  This inclusion of the feminine, according to Professor Ambrosio, was what could have been seen as the real heresy. 

            Both St. Francis as well as Dante engage in Christian humanism, which can be seen as the blending of both ideals of hero and saint.  St. Francis dreamed of becoming a knight when he was young and lived this out to the best of his ability through the relationship he had with his companion, St. Clare of Assisi.  He used this relationship as a means to express his devotion to Lady Poverty, an imagined heavenly lady who portrays the feminine of God.  It was through this service, that St. Francis found his fulfillment though he had not found this calling until he went through a deep depression in the midst of being a prisoner of war.  Dante, in writing his epic poem, presented his vision of the convergence of the hero’s journey through the lens of a saintly worldview.  By placing himself in the poem he reveals that he believed he was on the hero’s journey in life.

            Just as St. Francis and Dante had done before him, Michelangelo had the hero’s drive to self fulfillment and the saint’s impulse to serve a cause greater than oneself.  Michelangelo dreamed of harmonizing the two callings of hero and saint.  Michelangelo, according to his contemporary, Giorgio Vasari, was the foremost authority on Dante and had also been inspired by the Franciscan romantic ideal.  Through Michelangelo’s work, a struggle can be seen between his ecstasy, which came at an early age and his agony, which remained with him until his death.  In the David, Michelangelo aimed to show the magnificence of the heroic soul in the heroic body.  By using David, from the Biblical story of David and Goliath, he attempted to meld the physically perfect heroic body with the Christian worldview.  His contemplative nature, which is an important characteristic of the heroic ideal, exemplified his own internal struggle toward reaching this ideal.  His creations, known as the Pietas, reveal to us this internal struggle.  The Roman Pieta, a sculpture of absolute beauty drawn from the terrible moment of mother losing child, displays Mary as the hero.  Larger than life, she sits as a throne for her dead son’s body.  She is the hero embodied.  The Christian symbolism of Mary and Jesus invite the viewer in to look for the deeper meaning, lending the artwork itself to the option of contemplation.  

            After these works, the Roman Pieta and the David, Michelangelo falls into darkness.  His work no longer carries for him the significance it once did because the commissions placed upon him take his view away from the contemplation that his earlier works had so evidently shown.  It could be understood that Michelangelo felt he could not work within the heroic ideal and that he could no longer contemplate as he once did within the framework of his art.  In the second Pieta, Michelangelo places himself in place of Mary, holding Jesus up.  This appears to be a statement that he could no longer reconcile himself with his vocation or his God.  He attempted to destroy this work and by doing so, he revealed his inner turmoil.  For all living the heroic ideal, there must be a struggle.  He very nearly destroyed the third Pieta to the point that it is hard to decide if the statue is hopeful or a work of despair.  The viewer cannot tell which way the bodies in the sculpture are headed, whether upward or downward, which can signify to those looking for the depth of the work, whether the bodies are leaning toward a life of meaning or giving into the absurdity of it all.

            “He believed by virtue of the absurd; for there could be no question of human calculation, and it was indeed the absurd that God required it of him should the next instant recall the requirement.” (Kierkegaard, 2009)  Kierkegaard’s words, speaking of Abraham’s potential sacrifice of his son to God, echo the longing for the reemergence of the saintly ideal at a time when the world was changing by leaps and bounds.  The church was no longer one large entity, as Luther had created the first great schism long before and the rise of capitalism, liberalism and the nation-state had taken over.  When Kierkegaard wrote these words, he was battling back the idea of rationality being the primary thought of his day as opposed to the idea of faith in the absurd as the pathway to fulfillment.  Through Luther’s teachings of believing in faith alone as the means of salvation, Kierkegaard attempted to assert that believing in the absurd is the only way one can have faith. He believed and made argument to his conviction that one must have faith and abandon oneself to it or one must cling to something else and by clinging to some other thing, one becomes trapped by it, taking away the freedom that such a lack of belief initially appears to give.  He believed that clinging to God and the awareness of the absurdity of doing so was the only path to becoming self-aware, which is the ultimate ideal in the Greek heroic tradition, knowledge of oneself.

           Each of these men suffered through their own internal struggles, lending each of them to the idea of the heroic ideal.  Yet, they all embodied in some form the saintly ideal.  Each of them in their deeply contemplative ways battled back against the powers that be of their day.  While no one has been able to firmly rectify the blending of hero and saint, all four of these men could be held up as contenders in the fight.  All of them lent to those who are seeking a pathway to meaning a worldview where the convergence of the two ideals appears possible.  Each of them, in their own way, gave an avenue in which contemplation in and of itself is possible, as the hero needs while remaining devoted to that which is larger than oneself as the saint requires.               

REFERENCES

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 15.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 16.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 17.

Ambrosio, F.  Philosophy, Religion, and the Meaning of Life (The Great Courses Series).                          Lecture 18. 

• Kierkegaard, S.  (2009).  Fear and Trembling.  Charleston, SC: Feather Trail Press. 30.

Gourmet Grilled Cheese

Butter flavored cooking spray

Whole wheat bread

Deli sliced American cheese

Plum tomatoes, sliced

Garlic powder

Spicy brown mustard

Spray frying pan with butter flavored cooking spray.  Turn on heat to about low medium.  Spray one side of one piece of the bread with the spray and place down in pan.  Place sliced pieces (one or two, depending on size of bread) of cheese on bread and then cover with sliced plum tomatoes.  Sprinkle on garlic powder and cover with another layer of cheese.  Coat inside of other piece of bread lightly with mustard.  Place on top of sandwich, mustard side down.  Spray outside of sandwich with cooking spray.  Cook until browned on each side and serve.

Bistecca Pizzaiola

2 tbsp olive oil (I was a little more liberal with it than 2 tbsp)

4 small steaks

2 cloves garlic, thinly chopped

Salt and pepper

28 oz can peeled tomatoes, chopped and drained

1 tsp oregano

Pinch of crushed red pepper

Heat oil in frying pan over medium heat and add steaks.  Brown on both sides and then put aside on a plate, sprinkling with pepper.  Add garlic to the leftover oil and cook for 1 minute.  Add tomatoes and seasonings including another sprinkle of pepper and salt.  Cook for about 20 minutes, lowering the heat just a little until everything thickens just a bit.  Place steaks back on the tomatoes, cook until desired doneness, flipping once or twice.

The Writing Hurdle

In the beginning, all I wanted to do was write.  However, as a child it wasn’t quite put into words that way – I wasn’t aware it was something that I wanted to do, I just did it. I wrote really bad lyrics with no music  for songs that would absolutely never get made.  Sadly, they did get sung from time to time much to the chagrin of my dog – the only one I would ever allow to hear me sing them.  My musical ability is and always has been completely null and void since I had no interest in practicing the guitar, the drums or the trumpet.  All of which I attempted at some point and time.  I made it through my one and only recital playing my drum by watching the child next to me and following along.  I was told I did really well, somehow I doubt any of us were truly on-beat anyway.

When I reached sixth grade, I wrote a poem which received a wonderful reception when I read it in front of the class.  It may have been the only time in my middle school years that a wonderful reception was given to me about anything at all.

In the years following I wrote several movie scripts but, again, nothing worth pursuing in even the slightest way.  There was also a poem for which I won an Honorable Mention by the New Jersey Poetry Society. 

After that, my writing fell off the map.  It became nothing more than wishful thinking and for a time it barely registered in my thinking at all.  For nearly a decade, it took a backseat besides the minor one night attempts here and there.  The attempts were so “here and there” that I would venture to say that the space in between those attempts was probably years.  There were many reasons for this, none worth mentioning right now.

The only accomplishment I had during those years was the publication (online) on an opinion page of the Philadelphia Inquirer, which can be seen online at philly.com.  Other than that, I tried my hand at restaurant reviews with no success at all, mostly because I needed to have a following for that.  I was spending WAY more than I would have ever brought in just trying the places out.

There was also my last blog, in which I spent many, many hours producing all sorts of different posts, mostly about me, myself and I.  Some were good, some were bad.  Some were planned out and carefully written, many of them were very stream of consciousness. 

Oh – and did I mention the book I turned out in 4 or 5 months?  Yeah, I’m reworking that now.  I put it down for nearly two years and decided to pull it out from the bottom of a drawer just recently to start the editing process all over again.  There was also that short story that I loved but now when I read it I feel pretty disappointed.  A few of my friends loved it but when I read it, I think there’s something good there but I don’t think the story itself is well-written, I think it just sounds bland.

Meanwhile, I’ve written several papers for school, which have made me happy enough since they involved both reading and writing. Meanwhile, I’m simply working on a few ideas, none of which I feel confident enough in as of yet.  And so, this leads me to the point I’m working on getting to.

If Malcolm Gladwell’s assertion that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to reach mastery in a particular subject is true then I still have a long way to go.  Yet, for the first time in my adult life I feel truly up to the challenge.  I’ve started reading more again and I’m working toward putting more time into actually working on my writing overall.  I’ve scaled back my going out time and started spending more time at home.  I let Mio Amante know that I’ll need more time to read and write.  He’s happy to comply – especially since he’s hoping I’ll have a bestseller somewhere along the way.  (Though he was a little unsure of why reading is a necessary ingredient to a writer’s success – oh how I love thee.)

I’m working on it.  That’s all I can do.  With any luck I’ll have something worth reading in the next year or so.  Right now I’m struggling with the feeling that my writing is even halfway decent but from what I understand this is a very important mental step in a writer’s success.  The trouble is breaking through it and continuing on anyway… we’ll just have to see about that one but I am pretty sure I’m up for jumping the hurdle.